i fear we won’t watch our facade cave in.
amongst all my love, i really look forward
to wearing coral lipstick. but last night, when
you said you didn’t see my face paint, i’d
wondered what else you were blind to already.
i’m not saying we can’t grow old, i’m saying we can
try… i just don’t know the permanence of my mind.
did you know you turn away
from my kisses? it’s probably
an irrational criticism, owing
to the fact that you’re sleeping,
but at least i’m aware of my error.
i’m just not terribly sure if this
stability can last.
i strive to release so agony will
turn her cheek to the left— wait,
that’s my right.
it was the worst day when i saw her
looking at me through that mirror.
it’s because they would
tell me i looked like her.
so i try to detach from me
because i began to believe
them. and that’s when i began to believe
my super powers were meant to replace hers.
those had been chemical deficiencies.
those pigments had latched to my face
yet, tonight, you said you never noticed
all this vestige paint.
i can feel my skin is spatio-
temporal and assume my cheek bones
may collapse on the day you’ll
say, “tell him i love him.”even though
my sun never served it’s purpose.
on that day, should it come,
i’d have collapsed by choice.
we don’t know if we’ll
pretend to read logic
or resort to hymns,
wishing one day
we’ll meet again
but on that day i’ll
have to remind you that
“i want to– i need to.”
and on that day you’ll
see how i had to, for you,
because you didn’t realize
what you were getting into.