mania haunts my dreams

be scared like me in
broken records with
blackouts lasting for
.m.i.l.l.i.s.e.c.o.n.d.s.
between blinks– — —

you don’t even notice

until your voice is muted
between my
ears
    –save me please–

mouthing a scream
(i think)
, i think
the hospital is all i need.
                               (i need)
a crowd (forms) to see what
the fuck is wrong with me–
 what
 .the.
(fuck)
                 is wrong
with me? what the fuck
                 i(t)s wrong
with me. me. why me?

all you ask is for me to sleep.
all i ask is for you to sleep
with me,
keep me company so i know
my insanity won’t
          leave me
alone.
don’t leave me
alone.

side note:

I wrote this, inspired by a dream. My dreams are incredibly lucid, normally consisting of people I know and always consisting of full conversations, taste, smells, and very apparent colours. The problem is that I can not tell that I am dreaming— which is scary. I normally fall into mania in the dreams or experience symptoms of a psychotic break. Because of this, I assume, in the dream, that if I fall asleep it will all go away. So I will dream within my dream and it is a never ending cycle until I scare myself awake. Then, in my wake, I am very confused and constantly questioning if I am dreaming still…

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About Robyn

"If you haven't known insanity, you haven't lived."
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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