I ask the paper to lie and pry
in the corners of my mind
so I could know where my thoughts went
that night and all the nights that followed
with all the drugs that flowed.
It all came to me like a dream,
caught in a dream,
dreaming a dream
of a dream.
Yet it was just as vivid as reality.
It’s funny how I am now afraid
of the Christians that tell me
they can speak to God
when really those thoughts
are just their thoughts
thinking things that they think–
this is absurd, I should know
because my consciousness shrinked…
At the time, I thought I knew
those thoughts were real too
because he was right there as
I was talking to God and
I was screaming and
I was crying and
I was probably just tripping so bad
but it didn’t stop.
I tripped on
and everything was coming together
and everything was making sense
and everything was everything
and I finally became aware of everything:
all thanks to the drugs—
“God lives eternally
with another who
is opposite him in
matters of 1 and 0.
She is every woman
and he makes every man
and together they have built a life
of a million lives on Earth
so they can experience finitude
in an utmost infinite sense.”
This is what the paper came up with
when it told my mind to remember
where the drugs put it.